People say this all the time that pain tends to go away eventually, but somehow that is very difficult for me to accept. Maybe the raw wound that initiates the pain tends to heal from the outside, but there remains a deep ache that keeps on reminding you of the raw pain that you went through. When the ache goes away, it leaves a scar that is the reminder of the torture that caused the scar in the first place. There are few, less prominent scars that tend to fade away gradually. However, the deep gashes in one’s body leaves scars that sometimes never goes away.
What should one do then? What if you as an entire being were inflicted with several deep gashes everywhere, and it has left huge scars on each an every part of you.
How does one ever let someone else see past that? How do you see pass that on yourself? Is there even a medicine for that?
These inflictions change one person dramatically, you become a different person at least some times. And these are the times where you don’t even recognize yourself. When you remember the pain, see and feel the scars, this hatred starts bubbling inside you. You start spewing it out, as if a lava is erupting in you. And that is when you get really scared…that is the time when you realize that you are actually capable of hating someone so much, and one thing that becomes a fear for you is that you don’t want to be consumed by this hatred.
But in order to avoid being consumed by this vicious hatred, one has to look past the pain, the scars. That becomes one of the most difficult tasks ever in life. You try to figure out a way to look past that, to find the person you were before all of that, and manage to tightly hold on to it, as if that is your only lifeline left.
I’m still trying to find myself…trying to look through this vast space which is extremely foggy, vision blurred, millions of images sifting through, trying to find that one piece that will help me get out of this mess once and for all. The part that confuses me is that does this critical piece lies in the past or is it somewhere in the future for me to stumble upon.