An intellectual answer to whether Hell is exothermic or endothermic…


The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington
chemistry mid-term exam. The answer by one student was so “profound” that
the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of
course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well…

Here is the “Bonus Question” on the exam: “Is Hell exothermic (gives off
heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?”
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas
cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we
need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at
which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul
gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different
Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state
that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since
there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong
to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls
in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s
Law states that in order for the temperature and
pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand
proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until
all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa (a
girlfriend of mine during my Freshman year) that, “it will be a cold day
in Hell before I sleep with you”, and take into account the fact that I
slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure
that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
extinct…leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine
being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting “Oh my God.”

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY “A.”

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