Happy New Year to everyone!
So the year 2010 has finally ended…and I am saying goodbye to it quite happily, because this one year had been…lets just say that my life would have been completely different if this year would be removed from my life. The time spent during this year had been the most eye-opening experience for me. It is weird since I got to know people in this year that I thought will be with me forever, but now I have to forget them…remember what they represent, but forget them! Hard task…I must tell you! Its quite ironic, that Allah made this one year hell for me, but at the same time he gave me the most beautiful gift he could have ever given in the form of my son, Ayaan. So, not all of it was bad!
Whatever happened, I do not regret that, because you only regret your mistakes, or regret missing the good times…however, that is not the case here. The only mistake I do regret is of being weak, of losing myself, of forgetting my self-respect, of trying to kill the Sarah I used to be! Now I am actually happy in a way, to know that I am out of the vicious world I got stuck in, and now I am around people who love me no matter what happens, who trust me blindly, accepts me for who I am, and will support me till the end of time.
However, I see the hardships I went through as a hard lesson of life that I was in dire need of. I was stuck in this childish world, where I was gullible and believed that everyone is simply good…I guess I had read too much of Socrates philosophies. These hardships were an eye opening experience which led me to see that not everyone is good, that there are some very selfish, and self-absorbed people in this world, who can easily manipulate one with their clever lies, and with whom you should know how to deal with. The dealing part was one thing I was not good with, which I guess has lead me to the place I’m at right now.
This taught me some very good lessons that I should relay it here, so you guys should be prepared too. First and foremost, never to trust someone blindly, only trust yourself completely. You never really know what might happen to that person, or what situation he or she is stuck in, and to easily get out of it, they decide to betray you. Second, one should never forget who they are as a person; change might be necessary to make a relationship work, but it shouldn’t be only one person changing. The change should be to a limit, it should never alter a person as a whole, because then a time will come where you might not even be able to recognize yourself, and that will be the point where you have given the reins of your life to others. These ‘others’ can be the most closest or the most important people to you, but they will never be as important as yourself. Another important lesson I learned, is that always be wary when it comes to unveiling your weaknesses; try to avoid it as much as possible, but if the time comes, make sure you can trust the other person, and he or she will not try to manipulate it by using it for his or her benefit. These types of opportunist people will say sweet and nice things to you when you need it, but once you waver, they will stomp all over you and walk away with no remorse. And last but not the least, always keep your dignity and self respect intact, as long as these things are with you, one can fight any battle. When you lose these assets, you have lost the most important fight with yourself, then how can a person expect to win in a battle with someone else? So I learned all this the hard way, but I am glad I did, because now I know how to make the most of my life.
There are times when I want to forget all that happened in past, but I think it is better to remember; this way, when something good comes along my way in the future, I will appreciate it more. Now is the time where I have started to know myself again, to find out who the real Sarah is, and it is a rejuvenating experience for me.
I hope and pray that the year of 2011 will be a year of new beginnings and filled with happiness, and will be a promise that the coming years will be filled with even more happiness. The year had just started, and Allah has already shown me a shining ray of hope and I am so happy how things are going so far. I just pray, that inshallah this ray of hope will be another start of happiness, joy and love in my family.