The feeling of being a mother to your child is something you cannot compare with anything else in this world. The entire perception one has towards the world changes as soon as your child is born; your priorities and things that might be important to you at one point is no longer significant. You officially start calling yourself a woman from a girl (at least in my case). Now I cannot enjoy taking long showers, or having a peaceful sleep at night. I find time to sleep whenever you are sleeping; this might end up making me cranky by the end of the day, but one sight of you looking up at me and smiling with all the love in your eyes, make every sad day into a happy one. As my sister say, babies are so dumb; however, I like to think otherwise. Babies actually have a short attention span, therefore when you accidentally bump your head on something hard, and start crying and screaming like a banshee, all I have to do is start flailing around your favorite rattle toy in front of you. The transformation is amazing, you blink your teary eyes and look up at that toy, suddenly the pain is gone, and you are smiling. I just wish it were this easy for us humans too, to forget pain so easily and get on with the next thing. Mothers start planning everything out for the little baby, choosing what school he will go to, what field he will pick, the time he will get married, number of grand kids you would like to have from him…and when your thoughts go all off-tangent, that’s when you suddenly halt, and are like shall we please get back to reality. Things do not usually go out as planned, and after all, he is a human too; all you can expect from and wish for your children is to become good people, and be happy with who they are, what they do and at the same time keep people around them happy. However, I do not think there is any harm in setting out a life for them…of course they should be given the opportunity to select the route themselves; and how great will it be if they pick our paths. At the same time, we should always be there, looking after them, guiding them towards the right path. However, all of this is just easy to say, if it were as easy to do in reality, wouldn’t this world be a perfect place to live in. Now I understand how my parents felt when they were raising my siblings and me. What they felt about me, and the expectations they had from me, I am having all those expectations from my son.
I just hope I become a normal mother to you; I do not want to start thinking of you as a lottery ticket that you exist to make my absurd dreams come true. Since you will have your own dreams, and I wish they come true and I will do my best to help you in making your dreams become a reality. You were the most beautiful and the best gift that Allah can give me, and that is the reason I named you Ayaan, since it means a gift from Allah. The love I have for you is something that I will never be ever to feel for anyone else. I loved you when I heard your heartbeat and saw you in the ultrasound for the first time. I fell in love with you more when you first opened your eyes and looked up at me. You were just born, but I knew that for you I would do anything, fight with anyone, live and die for you, and never give you up if that was the last thing in this world. With you in my life, it is as if I have taken my heart out of my body to walk out in this cruel world. However, seeing you around me, makes all the insecurities I have less important. I dedicate this post to you, Ayaan, the love of my life.